I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
