i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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