So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
