Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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