This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize