btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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