Just cropdusted the office
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
