His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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