I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
