paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
