hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
