Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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