So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
