She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
