I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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