Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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