u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
