well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
