Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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