Princesses don't give blow jobs
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
