its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
