I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
why is half of my head shaved?
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