Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
