just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My liver just had a heart attack.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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