I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
