Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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