Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
