the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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