Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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