VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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