I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
