Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
