His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
