no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
