Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
