somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
