shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
