Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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