Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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