I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
