I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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