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she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
