How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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