Your dad touched me again.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So much rum. So many feels.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
