also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
