The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My cat gives me a boner
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
