i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
