11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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