Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
