A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
