My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
