i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
