I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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