I wish I could teleport
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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