You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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