I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize