Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
