I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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