You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize