i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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