I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
