I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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