Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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