Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She told me I should be a condom model.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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