Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
