dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
