do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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