Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
