he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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