To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
