Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
