At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize