When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
